HYSTERical. Okay, hysterectomy. Not funny.

I wasn't doing the cancer thing again.  So I was up for whatever we needed to do to make sure of that. I was not expecting a hysterectomy though.  That conversation kind of caught me sideways.

So let me get this straight...as if you hadn't stolen enough from me you POS cancer, you are now taking my uterus too?
Oh not just your uterus CA,  your ovaries and cervix too.

Party.  I mean bake me a cake and bring the balloons because I had damn pity party right then and there. I don't know why.  I guess I just didn't NEED the stuff it had already taken,  but I kind of NEED my reproductive organs.  Okay screw that, I was done having kids.  But I didn't want to be in menopause at 40.

I was throwing potatoes at a brick wall one day (this is what I do when I am angry.  Try it.  It's amazing) and yelling.  I finally started laughing.  I was thinking of how a future first date would go:

Him: So why the mohawk?
Me: I'm a cancer survivor.  Just having fun with it.
Him: Oh.  Are you okay now?
Me: Well depends on  your definition of okay?
Him: Are you going to die?
Me: We're all going to die.
Him: Uh, I meant from, uh, you know? Breast cancer?
Me: Ohhhhh nooooo.  I don't even have breasts anymore.
Him: You don't?
Me: Well I have fake ones.
Him: Nice.
Me: With no nipples
Him: Oh
Me: No uterus, ovaries or cervix either.
Him: So......are you still female?
Me: Nope.

End of date.

Not to mention my personal trainer announced his wedding date.  Yup, you guessed it.  Same time as the hyster.  Thing were peachy.

But I have a team that takes care of me that is top gun.  I was referred to a Dr. that specializes in hysterectomy for cancer patients.  And she does it with a robot.  WHAT?  Yup, a robot. And not just a little laparoscopy.  A huge freaking robot she drives.  (Not me pictured)

Here we go with the transformers thing again.  

But I agreed.  Why the hell not?  Wanna know how they do it?  Here is a video.  It's awesome when they pull the uterus right out of the vagina at 3:55. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bpP1UOe3Ow&feature=youtu.be 

It was the easiest surgery physically. Just lots of holes in my abdomen. I was super swollen because they shoot lots of air in you so they can see what they are doing.

 I was up and walking and felt great that evening and discharged the next day.  I took one more day off and then returned to work. And my trainers wedding was the next.  I was super excited to show up and surprise him.

Returning to work probably wasn't the best idea. I left about an  hour later.  When I was driving home I knew something was very wrong.  I got home and called a friend.  When she got there I was laying in my front yard.  I don't remember much after that for almost a month.  All I know is my body was done.  It pulled the plug.  I had seized.

I spent quite awhile in the hospital and then home for a few weeks. I really remember nothing of over a month.

I apparently took this pic.  I have no recollection of it. I remember being pissed these things were on my head.  Then when I got home I remember being on HUGE doses of Topamax (otherwise known as stupidmax)  and wanting to kill myself. No seriously.  I was suicidal.   My body was just done.  Done!

But the seizures weren't from the surgery.  That surgery was amazing.  I'd do it again.  I'd do any surgery if they were all that easy.  I tell everyone that is facing a hysterectomy to find someone that uses the da Vinci.  

Post hysterectomy life is not as bad as I thought.  No more periods.  I do get  hot flashes and I can't do anything for them.  But the relief of not having to worry about my cancer spreading to it's first choice helps me live my life with less fear.